Author: melissa

It can feel like a paradox: the times when we grow the most and feel happiest often require that we experience discomfort. When I think about moments of greatest growth for leaders and teams I work with, or for myself, they almost always occur after we move through something and/or have an experience that’s hard, challenging, or uncomfortable. An easy analogy is to consider what exercise does for us. We may drag our feet on going to the gym, getting out on a run, or taking a yoga class, and when we start, we might or likely to feel the discomfort of stiff joints and lazy muscles. We get out there despite this initial rough patch because we know that as we move through that we'll find a greater feeling…

As I wrote in the introduction to my first leadership book, "How Do You Want to Show Up? Find Your Inner Truths--and Lead with Them", I have been curious from an early age about what makes a great leader. What I've learned is that effective leadership is more than an attitude or a natural ability. It's a vocation that requires real intention, the strength to look inward and know oneself, and the willingness to show up with that knowledge as a leader. My second book, the new How Do You Want to Show Up? Workbook, contains over 200 pages of my favorite coaching questions, prompts, tips and tools that have effectively helped leaders find their internal values and beliefs and bring them to the workplace--and the rest of life. Workbook…

Engaging in authentic conversations allows people to feel most alive and real, and leads to high morale. We need real conversations in order to provide clarity and move discussions, decisions, business outcomes and performance forward.Yet, despite the power of authenticity, it can be surprisingly hard to achieve this at work. Our identity and/or our relationships with others can feel at stake if we take a position and say what we think, feel or want.What do you see when you consider your work self? Are you a far different person at work than you are outside of it? Also step back and observe team meetings. How much are team members holding back? Do individuals seem to be sharing all of their thoughts, positions and ideas? Is the team able to debate…

Are you thriving at work?Often, I hear leaders in work situations where they feel unhappy, don’t feel like themselves, and are convinced that the problem must be about them. They take responsibility, thinking that if they could just figure out how to work better with this one colleague, or fit in better with a team, or if they could just work harder or in a different way, they could make it work.While it's great to own up to your challenges, you can't always fix a work problem by putting your shoulder to the wheel. In fact, I have frequently found that leaders can gain in happiness and energy by making sure they are working in the right context based on their own style, values, and other attributes. Like a sun-loving…

If you’ve ever watched the hit Netflix food and travel program Salt Fat Acid Heat, you’ve observed the friendly, bubbly personality of its star, chef Samin Nosrat.She’s known for her warm, upbeat style. In an article for the food magazine Bon Appetit, a writer who spent time with Samin concluded, “She really wants you to love her, and she has an uncanny, non-smarmy ability to get you to do just that.”Yet, like so many leaders, she didn't always lead with her innate warmth and charm. In fact, Nosrat said in a recent profile for Inc. Magazine that in her first high pressure management job in a kitchen ten years ago, when she was 25, she took on a much different personality in an attempt to lead without any leadership training. When…

If someone seems genuinely interested in you, do you feel more positive about them? I do. In fact, if you want to make a positive connection with someone, there's scientific research to suggest that people tend to feel good about others who ask questions during a conversation.The researchers in the study analyzed both live online conversations, and face-to-face speed-dating conversations, and they found “a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking.” People who asked more questions came across as more likable. Most importantly, follow-up questions in those conversations were even more effective. “Speed daters who ask more follow-up questions during their dates are more likely to elicit second dates from their partners, a behavioral indicator of liking,” the researchers write. Not everyone finds it easy to think of questions on…

The Internal Compass That Guides Great LeadershipMy coaching clients have a variety of goals: some are working on being more direct, and some are aiming to be more intentional with leadership. Sometimes a person is trying to get clear about what they really want in the future, and sometimes they are trying to gain skills to have more meaningful conversations right now.There are many helpful tools for achieving these goals, but there's one that is indispensable. And the good news is that this tool already exists inside of you. It's your inner self: your desires, dreams, and values, what you truly think and want; it's that inner voice that many of us ignore. It is what we sometimes refer to as your internal compass.The term may sound a little ethereal,…