October 2016 – Melissa Williams-Gurian

27Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

The Value of Difficult Conversations

Article

“I just want to get this over with.” My client, Alex*, chief data scientist at a major tech company, dropped into a chair in the conference room. He moved stiffly after a long run, his stress reliever of choice before awful meetings. Like this one. Like nearly every meeting with his boss, John. “I understand,” I said. “But you’re going to do great.” I knew why Alex felt nervous, and I didn’t blame him. Today, in a meeting with his boss—with me standing by to help steer the conversation if necessary—Alex needed to let John know that he felt mistreated, and that Alex couldn’t live with that dynamic anymore. It was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. And yet, I believed that my client had everything to gain from it.…

19Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

Standing In Inner Confidence

Article

Why is it so easy for some people to advocate for themselves at work, while others struggle? At a recent workshop, I asked the group if they found it hard to advocate for themselves. About half of the group answered “yes,” and the other half said “no”. The group mirrored my experience of leaders in the workplace. Some leaders have no problem telling you what they think. They aren’t worried about their impact—sometimes to the point that they come across as unbending or overly aggressive. Other leaders have a very hard time being assertive. The desire to be liked by others or the fear of being in the spotlight can seem daunting. These leaders are challenged to find their inner confidence and develop the ability to advocate for themselves. Why do…

12Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

Accountable Leadership

Article

Did you know that the highest performing teams are also the ones in which all leaders hold themselves accountable for their actions? These groups have high trust, feel connected, and are likely to be talking about what really matters. In leadership work, I use an illustration called the Accountability Ladder to show the stages of becoming accountable. At the bottom of this ladder, a person can be stuck in the victim role—they are unaware of or deny a situation. When you’re living life on these bottom rungs of accountability, you believe that things are happening to you—you are rarely responsible, and often dependent. If you lack accountability you might wait and hope things improve, or make excuses—“I can’t, because…” On the upper rungs, when you have become accountable, you acknowledge reality,…

05Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

The Gift of Saying ‘No’

Article

She was extremely busy, but she always seemed to say ‘yes,’ anyway. “Yes, I’ll get that report done by the deadline you’ve set.” “Yes, I’ll put the meeting on my calendar.” Sometimes she didn’t actually say yes—sometimes she just didn’t reply. To an email from a colleague with a deadline included. To a phone call asking her to write up a report. Her silence was heard as a yes. The next stage involved people waiting around for her reports, her reply, the other things she had said she would do. These tasks were on top of her main job, which kept her very busy already, so it was unrealistic for her to think that she could accomplish them all. “I didn’t want to say no, because I felt like I…