Melissa Williams-Gurian

21Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

The Art Of Letting Others Shine

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Working with Monica* is a blast. She is fun, warm, and engaging, and works more than anyone, without ever seeming to tire. When she does take vacations, she is scuba diving in Roatan, or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. Yet the flip side of her exciting, overflowing temperament is that at work, Monica wants control of everything. She goes to all the meetings, and nothing can happen unless it is run past her for approval. The chaos can get intense. Monica can't do it all on time, so she is always behind—she runs late to meetings, and takes a long time to get back to people on decisions that need to be made right now. Monica has strong leadership potential—she’s dynamic and draws people to her, and she gets a lot done…

14Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Triangles (Part Two): 3 Reasons We Love Them

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I've written recently about the human tendency to form social triangles, and how this habit can cause communication problems in the workplace. I often find that there is low awareness of the triangles people are forming in the workplace. Why are they such a sneaky and seductive form? Below I look at three reasons for the triangle's workplace appeal. 1. They are a way to feel like we're accomplishing something. Max is working on a team with Kathy and Jen. If Max doesn't like how Kathy is acting, and chooses not to talk to her about it directly, he may instead approach Jen to complain about Kathy's behavior. It's a classic triangle. It could be a healthy move if Max is talking to Jen only to get clear about how…

07Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Solving Workplace Triangles

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We often group together in threes. Triangles are stable geometric forms, (at least when they aren't resting on a point), and are such a natural part of life that few people notice when they are in one. We’ve all heard of "love triangles," but we also form non-romantic triangles with our families, with friends, and at work. For example, a boss might have three employees working together on a team, or two employees who are in conflict, and turn to the boss for help. Since triangles form naturally, leaders must eventually learn how to manage them to create a healthy, productive work environment. Here’s a typical triangle work scenario: Liam thinks his co-worker Carrie is being too harsh on him at team meetings. Liam wants Carrie to change, but…

02Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Leaders Need To See and Be Seen

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There is a deep human longing to be seen. It is one of the greatest possible gifts to show others that you see them. In the workplace, feeling seen, noticed, and acknowledged by those you admire for who you are and for your efforts is a tremendous motivator. To really see others we need to be interested, curious, and inquiring. We need to take note. We can do so by tracking others’ concerns and achievements, expressing empathy, and letting others know that we have understood what is important to them. On the other hand, many people don't realize that it is also important to make the effort to be seen. Many leaders are already striving hard for business results, measures of success, outputs, and details, and hoping that one day this…

26Aug 2016 by melissa No Comments

Three Books For Leaders (Part Two)

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In June, I recommended three leadership books for summer reading. Here are three more books I have found helpful to my work, to take readers into fall. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink. Riverhead Books. December 2009. Pink gives real-life examples about what motivates a person. As it turns out, it's not so much carrots and sticks, as the rewards of autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Self-knowledge is extremely important to leadership, and in this book, you'll learn what most drives you forward. Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming A Leader For Life by Kevin Cashman. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. 2nd revised & updated edition, September 2008. A philosophical book, with research and case studies, that covers the importance to leadership of doing inner work on who you are, your…

10Aug 2016 by melissa No Comments

What Is Your Leadership Brand?

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Your leadership brand is what people say about you when you’re not in the room. What do you think they would say about you? What would you want them to say? If you’re interested in working on your leadership brand, remember that your brand is not based only on tasks, or on results, but on your behavior on your way to those results. How are you interacting with others? Are you behaving in a way that is consistent with how you’d like to be seen? Behaviors that are consistent create a brand over the long term. If we lose sight of that, our brand diminishes, and it becomes more difficult to get results.

04Aug 2016 by melissa No Comments

Managing The Tangle Of Anxiety

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Have you ever wrapped up a vacation by losing sleep over the work ahead of you? You might have set aside your cares for a few days, but now your mind is spinning with anxiety about your bulging email inbox, an aggravating situation with a co-worker, or an important presentation. Some of our best vacation moments are when we’re living in the now. Our anxiety, on the other hand, is nearly always set in the future—can we handle what’s next? There is a good kind of anxiety that excites and prepares us for something meaningful and challenging. If this is what you feel at the end of vacation, you might feel nervous, but you’re ready to stretch your capacity and tackle what’s ahead. Then there is the unpleasant anxiety that can…

27Jul 2016 by melissa No Comments

Are You an Asker or a Teller?

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Leaders tend to either "ask" more, or "tell" more. Sometimes they do neither, and keep their opinion to themselves. These differences in personality all have particular strengths, but lean too far in any of these directions, and your problems with connection can occur. One leader leans too strongly to connect, and is experienced as too mushy, with no back bone. Another leader is always telling and taking strong positions, and comes as an arrogant know-it-all. Very quiet leaders may seem either overly pliable, or distant and arrogant. Effective leadership is about balancing these possibilities. People often know where they fall in this description, whether it's that they are very connected and don't express many strong opinions, too distant and extremely opinionated, or some other combination of these traits. Some need to work more on the soft skills of listening, empathy, and story telling; others may need to…

21Jul 2016 by melissa No Comments

How To Use Your Inner Compass

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To make choices we usually need to evaluate the facts, but we must also respond to gut feelings that give us information. Together, these can make up our inner compass. But most of us at one time or another dismiss the gut feelings. We have all sorts of reasons for doing so. We’re scared, or we don’t really want to do the work required of us. (This happens a lot to storybook heroes at the beginning of a journey, right before they accept a challenge and go on a wonderful adventure). Maybe we aren’t willing to give up on a dream in which we’ve invested a lot of effort. We all know this feeling of self-dismissal, and it looks something like this: Inner Feeling: I’ve been tense all week. This feels…

06Jul 2016 by melissa No Comments

Leaning Into A Mood Can Improve Your Leadership

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What mood do leaders need to lean into to get the results we want? I've been thinking about this question lately, after a great family summer trip that involved several different tours—and tour guides. We were a group that ranged widely in age, from children to more elderly family members, so we weren't always easy to please. After a day’s activities, we visitors would talk about our tour leaders—the good, the bad, and the just okay. Who inspired us, and who left us cold? Like tour guides, leaders at work are challenged to inspire and create an environment of learning and growth among a group of people with differing styles and personalities. One thing that was clear about our preferred tour guides was that the mood we sensed from them really set the tone…