Article – Page 8 – Melissa Williams-Gurian

27Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

The Value of Difficult Conversations

Article

“I just want to get this over with.” My client, Alex*, chief data scientist at a major tech company, dropped into a chair in the conference room. He moved stiffly after a long run, his stress reliever of choice before awful meetings. Like this one. Like nearly every meeting with his boss, John. “I understand,” I said. “But you’re going to do great.” I knew why Alex felt nervous, and I didn’t blame him. Today, in a meeting with his boss—with me standing by to help steer the conversation if necessary—Alex needed to let John know that he felt mistreated, and that Alex couldn’t live with that dynamic anymore. It was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. And yet, I believed that my client had everything to gain from it.…

19Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

Standing In Inner Confidence

Article

Why is it so easy for some people to advocate for themselves at work, while others struggle? At a recent workshop, I asked the group if they found it hard to advocate for themselves. About half of the group answered “yes,” and the other half said “no”. The group mirrored my experience of leaders in the workplace. Some leaders have no problem telling you what they think. They aren’t worried about their impact—sometimes to the point that they come across as unbending or overly aggressive. Other leaders have a very hard time being assertive. The desire to be liked by others or the fear of being in the spotlight can seem daunting. These leaders are challenged to find their inner confidence and develop the ability to advocate for themselves. Why do…

12Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

Accountable Leadership

Article

Did you know that the highest performing teams are also the ones in which all leaders hold themselves accountable for their actions? These groups have high trust, feel connected, and are likely to be talking about what really matters. In leadership work, I use an illustration called the Accountability Ladder to show the stages of becoming accountable. At the bottom of this ladder, a person can be stuck in the victim role—they are unaware of or deny a situation. When you’re living life on these bottom rungs of accountability, you believe that things are happening to you—you are rarely responsible, and often dependent. If you lack accountability you might wait and hope things improve, or make excuses—“I can’t, because…” On the upper rungs, when you have become accountable, you acknowledge reality,…

05Oct 2016 by melissa No Comments

The Gift of Saying ‘No’

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She was extremely busy, but she always seemed to say ‘yes,’ anyway. “Yes, I’ll get that report done by the deadline you’ve set.” “Yes, I’ll put the meeting on my calendar.” Sometimes she didn’t actually say yes—sometimes she just didn’t reply. To an email from a colleague with a deadline included. To a phone call asking her to write up a report. Her silence was heard as a yes. The next stage involved people waiting around for her reports, her reply, the other things she had said she would do. These tasks were on top of her main job, which kept her very busy already, so it was unrealistic for her to think that she could accomplish them all. “I didn’t want to say no, because I felt like I…

28Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Knowing When It’s Time For A Conversation

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Most leaders spend part of every day in conversation. Some conversations are built into the day, along with meetings, lunches, and phone calls. But at other times, we can choose to shut our office door and be silent, or to reach out and initiate a conversation. At these times, we may begin to think about the conversations we aren't having. Perhaps we wonder whether we should talk to another person to address a concern we have, or perhaps we sense that someone else is having a problem, but we aren't sure if it would be valuable to make time to talk with them. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you're unsure about having a conversation. These questions can apply to conversations with our colleagues, and also with people…

21Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

The Art Of Letting Others Shine

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Working with Monica* is a blast. She is fun, warm, and engaging, and works more than anyone, without ever seeming to tire. When she does take vacations, she is scuba diving in Roatan, or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. Yet the flip side of her exciting, overflowing temperament is that at work, Monica wants control of everything. She goes to all the meetings, and nothing can happen unless it is run past her for approval. The chaos can get intense. Monica can't do it all on time, so she is always behind—she runs late to meetings, and takes a long time to get back to people on decisions that need to be made right now. Monica has strong leadership potential—she’s dynamic and draws people to her, and she gets a lot done…

14Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Triangles (Part Two): 3 Reasons We Love Them

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I've written recently about the human tendency to form social triangles, and how this habit can cause communication problems in the workplace. I often find that there is low awareness of the triangles people are forming in the workplace. Why are they such a sneaky and seductive form? Below I look at three reasons for the triangle's workplace appeal. 1. They are a way to feel like we're accomplishing something. Max is working on a team with Kathy and Jen. If Max doesn't like how Kathy is acting, and chooses not to talk to her about it directly, he may instead approach Jen to complain about Kathy's behavior. It's a classic triangle. It could be a healthy move if Max is talking to Jen only to get clear about how…

07Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Solving Workplace Triangles

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We often group together in threes. Triangles are stable geometric forms, (at least when they aren't resting on a point), and are such a natural part of life that few people notice when they are in one. We’ve all heard of "love triangles," but we also form non-romantic triangles with our families, with friends, and at work. For example, a boss might have three employees working together on a team, or two employees who are in conflict, and turn to the boss for help. Since triangles form naturally, leaders must eventually learn how to manage them to create a healthy, productive work environment. Here’s a typical triangle work scenario: Liam thinks his co-worker Carrie is being too harsh on him at team meetings. Liam wants Carrie to change, but…

02Sep 2016 by melissa No Comments

Leaders Need To See and Be Seen

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There is a deep human longing to be seen. It is one of the greatest possible gifts to show others that you see them. In the workplace, feeling seen, noticed, and acknowledged by those you admire for who you are and for your efforts is a tremendous motivator. To really see others we need to be interested, curious, and inquiring. We need to take note. We can do so by tracking others’ concerns and achievements, expressing empathy, and letting others know that we have understood what is important to them. On the other hand, many people don't realize that it is also important to make the effort to be seen. Many leaders are already striving hard for business results, measures of success, outputs, and details, and hoping that one day this…

26Aug 2016 by melissa No Comments

Three Books For Leaders (Part Two)

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In June, I recommended three leadership books for summer reading. Here are three more books I have found helpful to my work, to take readers into fall. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink. Riverhead Books. December 2009. Pink gives real-life examples about what motivates a person. As it turns out, it's not so much carrots and sticks, as the rewards of autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Self-knowledge is extremely important to leadership, and in this book, you'll learn what most drives you forward. Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming A Leader For Life by Kevin Cashman. Berrett-Koehler Publishers. 2nd revised & updated edition, September 2008. A philosophical book, with research and case studies, that covers the importance to leadership of doing inner work on who you are, your…